17 Weeks

Life is hard right now.

I'm trying to stay positive and not be down all the time but it is hard.  I don't know how everyone else does it but a lot of days I wonder what it would be like to just run away.  Not seriously.  Like not forever - just for a while until Charlie is in a better mood - which seems like it might be forever...

I love him - I really do.  I love his smile and when he giggles and squeals.  It is just that his crying and neediness are so much more overwhelming and prevalent than his giggles and squeals.  By the time I get home from work he is exhausted.  I have to hold him the whole night or he cries.  Like literally the second you set him down his lip comes out and he bursts into tears.  On a good night he will sit in the highchair or something for 10 minutes.  That isn't usually quite long enough.  I am pretty sure we could put him to bed at 6:00 and he would probably do it except for the fact he likes to eat at 6 and again at 7:30.  As it is I let him go to sleep at 7 tonight.  The poor kid is always exhausted.  His eyes are constantly red.  I have to take Wednesday pictures in the morning before work because I know he won't be in a good mood in the evening.

There are bright spots - don't get me wrong.  The cutest thing is when George interacts with Charlie.  He can almost always get a smile.  George has started mimicking me to Charlie - He talks in the same way and says things that I say - like "hi there Charlie baby" and "you're okay, yes you are my little Charlie"  And like magic the kid gives him a toothless grin and my heart melts a little.  And I will admit this kid takes a cute picture.